Positive Thinking

Wow! What a week so far!! I’m so sorry to not have been online with my ramblings but perhaps you all needed a break! Anyway, I hope you readers are well and managing as well as you can. The weather has been great, despite discovering my car covered in Sahara desert sand. Have you noticed how many people have been cheerful, friendly and willing to be approached? It’s brilliant. I love this time of year, just before it gets totally unbearable in the humidity, lovely, perhaps this year will be wonderful?

I managed to get myself to the gym everyday last week and was so addicted to it I missed it when I had to have a couple of days off, by all accounts when ‘new’ to exercise your muscles need a few days to relax. I’ve also switched to drinking water with the occasional coffee thrown in for good measure. My skin has been amazing! I’ve also been using some new No7 products from Boots, I was persuaded to purchase their new cream blush and I have to tell you it’s pretty awesome. The colour looks daunting in the bottle but once on your skin it provides a beautiful glow to the skin. I’d totally recommend it to anyone looking for a nice spring look, if you purchase 2 cosmetics you get a free gift box, which includes mascara trial size and illuminating cream, AMAZING! I love that if you visit a store with a helpful staff they are willing to offer you samples of the items which I found great recently when I needed to try a different cream. PLUS because it’s their own product they always have it on offer and offer money off, I think no7 is the perfect range of cosmetics at an affordable price. I don’t think I will swap again! Their colour match service is brilliant, no more looking like I have a tanned face, or the ‘cake’ effect make up. The staff in my local store are brilliant, every time I visit they remember me and are always telling me about the new products, they even offer to show me how best to apply their cosmetics. I’m blown away.

I’ve been out researching shopping assistants and how they react towards me. As you can tell the Boots Store No7 counter have been brilliant. The store is a bit of a large one so it also has perfume counters, Clarins and a Benefit Make up counter and the No7 girls are just amazing. The Benefit counter has a couple of girls on there but they aren’t really approachable and tend to always be doing something to their faces. I saw one girl over the weekend who was offering a make over to a customer but was talking to her colleague for the most part which I found disheartening. It puts me off purchasing things I don’t know how to use. I must admit helpful staff encores me to use the store again.

I’ve also spent a lot of time in the local new age shop where you can purchase things like crystals, buddha’s, incense as well as guide books into connecting with the divine. I’m not into preaching to people about my beliefs so I won’t bore you too much with it. I’ve enjoyed learning about the things that make people feel better, connecting with people who are like minded. I’m due to attend an aura cleansing session in a couple of weeks, I have a reading lined up for next week and I’m intending to learn how to read cards (tarot, angel and oracle). I’ve had readings before and more recently I keep being told to hold a positive attitude with the conscious mind to just go with the flow. Remarkably trying to go with the flow is much harder than you think it is!

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No name calling this week which has been a relief. When trying to make changes it’s easy to focus on negative for it is the negative thoughts we have that have led us to making changes in the first place. Starting at the gym was a choice I’d made in order to reclaim the life I was missing, I needed some kind of routine to get me motivated but I am struggling with the changes I need to make in my mind. I’ve been put down for the most part of my life because I am a big girl. I don’t like it but despite barely eating I seem to be a bit stuck. I would not call myself confident as a ‘curvy woman’ but that’s because at the moment I know I need to definitely tone up and lose a few pounds. I think this stems from my aunt telling me I lied about being proud to be curvy and for wasting tax payers money. She was vicious but then I’m not truly able to tell her what I think! I sent her my number but I think she’s too scared to call and hear what I have to say. It’s annoying that I feel like I’m on the outside looking in and I need to accept that that is now my lot in that family, maybe it’s time I concentrated on making my own? The Mr and I want to get married but the plans are currently on hold pending my surgery then I guess we can focus on perhaps creating our own family unit. They will all have to miss out though if we were to have children. I know that’s sad but I’d rather surround any child I had with the honest love of my friends then the viciousness that comes from my ‘family’. They might be considered a part of my family tree but that is purely on paper only!

I’m under no illusions that I will ever be a teeny tiny person of a size 6-8 I wouldn’t want to be. I want to just be toned, confident and ME. I’m happy girl and I’ve been told I can be lovely, I’m thoughtful and considerate, none of these things I want to change. It’s just the part of me that people target me about, my image. It’s sad that I’m trying so hard to fit the mould I want to break, but am I doing this to satisfy the mould I have in my own mind? It’s strange isn’t it? I mean, how can want to champion for the plus size woman yet feel frustrated with myself because that is what I am? It’s being called fat by a family relative in order to hurt that’s managed to wreck my confidence to breaking point! I need to regain some control clearly!

My blog was shared on twitter the other day so I’m hoping that I may have a few new members reading my posts, following me on Facebook and/or Twitter. I would love to hear from others about their struggles in life, establish whether other people go through these thoughts like I do. I’ve tried meditating which really relaxes my mind, body and spirit but I need something more. I need to work harder at the gym and I need to concentrate on the things I’ve made happen by myself. I’ve already lost weight and I need to push through this last little bit of a set back and know that I can do this. I want to continue sharing the ups and downs I’m going through and know that I think everyone is beautiful in their own way, even the vicious people I’ve unfortunately been gifted in my family tree.

So before I sign off, I’ve decided to remember to quit the hatred and think pink/purple bubbles of happiness surrounding those that want to hurt me and taking them away. I say this because to put hatred out there means I will get it back 10 fold. Karma is like that. So here’s to the positive thinking and those pink bubbles!

Love CG xxx

Fairness.

Fairness.

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