Evening, it’s been a very odd day one way or another today. My self confidence has hit an all time low and I keep debating whether it’s my weight making me feel that way. Now normally I am the first person to be jumping for joy and partying wherever I can but now I want to hide myself away. I’m loved by partner unconditionally and I am never less grateful for that. However, despite being shortlisted for the Miss British Beauty Curve 2014 I am wondering if I can compete. I don’t think I have what it takes, I don’t know quite what it is I’ve lost my ‘mojo’ so to speak. I have photo’s taken and will post a couple for some responses and am hoping some people might give me some honest opinions about my chances.
Miss British Beauty Curve is a beauty pageant, now I’ve never been one to sponsor or support things like this, but having thought of my lack of confidence and my own body confidence being so low maybe I could break through and make the changes to this whole world that allows people of a certain size to be considered for more than what they look like… I won’t sing my own praises but I have a personality that means I accept people no matter what, we all have stories so why enter judging a person before you even know them? Thing is, I just don’t know if I have what it takes to get up on a stage in front of a fair few people and strut my stuff down a ‘catwalk’ in things I might not normally wear!! I am totally honoured to have been shortlisted so a part of me thinks go for it, nothing to lose, yet the other part is louder today telling me I’ll look a complete fool up there on that stage!! I can’t even curl my on hair lol. Anyway I digress slightly. I don’t want this blog to be about me randomly sharing my thoughts about myself, it’s more to do with gaining support for those plus sized girls/women/men out there that get forgotten or overlooked simply because they are bigger than one might like.
I guess having spent my life around girls of a certain size has not helped but neither has being told I shouldn’t eat this or that because I will get fat doesn’t really bode well in taking things forward. However, I decided to order the Claire Richards Kimono and will hopefully place it on model for you to see shortly. I’m hoping to get some pictures of me to post so you can see what I am like and perhaps see why I am feeling a real sense of self esteem issues. I’m worrying endlessly about this pageant as I need to find the money to make sure I can go, £75 which is good but is this right? I mean having read all the sites about women signing up to modelling agencies paying money and being duped, is that what could happen here? I mean I only discovered this particular pageant because I was reading something online which was an inspiration and a start. I found another done online also and I’ve been shortlisted for this other pageant as well, although there are a lot more people at this other pageant and it’s on 23rd March so if I was to do that I need to part with £65 to participate, that’s without the other £75 I needed. At the moment I am being judged on m photos, that’s fine I mean who can complain about that, but I just don’t know if I have the self esteem currently to put myself through it, does that make sense?
I lack a female role model in my life to be honest and I need to find a way to get some guidance in what I should do. Just a little booster of some kind. I’ve been shopping on the ASOS Curve website which has helped immensely but again the cost of the items add up really quickly, but I am told returning items to ASOS is really easy so that’s one good thing surely? I have the loving support of my partner, he really is my rock but is that enough to get me to the pageants? Hmm… I’m not so sure. I want to be a role model for the plus sized woman, having seen the Now Magazine article planned regarding body image I think perhaps there will soon be a lot more from us plus size girls being shown. I just wish that Dove was still doing their promotion in relation to finding the “real women” campaign. It was about all shapes and sizes of women which was a really good campaign but they only did it the once. Hmm another one to see what might happen next!
So, for now I guess, here’s to the plus size people I know out there, those following me on twitter and/or Facebook and those taking the time to read my blogs.
I will leave you for tonight with huge kisses and a picture of me! CG xx