Wardrobe Crisis and A Clash of Personalities

Morning! So here’s a bigger thing to tackle, personalities and no clothes to wear! Have you ever discovered that when out shopping for plus sized clothes not only are they similar in size to a small tent but that they are all in dark colours, covered with stripes which emphasise my shape, or worse a hideous pattern that you might usually find on a 1940’s old sofa (Kim Kardashian famously wore something similar when she was pregnant). Anyway you get my drift. So this morning I’ve woken up and given I have a work trial this afternoon I thought I’d inject a it of personality into my clothes. No, not a low cut top, or anything risky, more a bit more colourful. The weather is miserable and I thought a nice bright coloured blouse, perhaps pastel blue would do the trick. But my crisis and my desire to hide away from the world because of my size has left me with a wardrobe so dull, even I don’t want to pick items from it!

I had a browse online last night at Gemma Collins new range and most of her stuff seems to lean towards the animal print stuff or tops with large animals embossed on the front, both of these are not really suitable work attire. Failing that it was maxi dresses, it’s hardly conducive to be wearing a maxi dresses in the kind of weather you would find along the costal areas but the ones I do have I will pose in tomorrow and kindly ask my other half to get some pics of me in them, so if any of you feel like commenting and telling how I look I’d be grateful… Anyway, I ended up wearing black trousers, a plain white top with a black cardigan, relatively smart actually but I still feel like an injection of colour would not have gone amiss… I miss it… I keep browsing a new range a friends pointed out to me, ASOS Curvy, some nice stuff but again slightly pricey. Is it too much to ask that there be a tore like Primark for us plus size girls, quick fashion changes and cheap prices so I don’t mind throwing it away after 2-3 washes…  In addition I also saw that most of her items didn’t have really glowing reviews so again before I part with the little cash I have I want to be sure of the items I’m purchasing especially when it’s also online, it’s just added drama and I’m not down or credit accounts and 10% discount on my ‘first order’ just about covers the additional P&P that is whacked on at the paying stages.

I was also looking at Claire Richards collection again. The only item that I would actually be tempted by is the print kimono. I know I dislike print items usually but this is rather lovely, the rest just looks a bit overpriced, £75 for a “floral embroidered dress” isn’t quite what I’m needing. Yes I would if I was going to a wedding or something fancy but not for the average day stuff I have problems with. I Like the lace dress Claire has on offer but again at £85 I’m not convinced.

Is it really that difficult? I sometimes wish I had taken a textiles course at some point to have learned how to make my own clothes then I might be a mad designer by now, but instead I am having to rely on others who did take a course and seem to be able to take my money as I rely on them to get me through each day. FRUSTRATED.

So it leads me on to personalities. Have you ever noticed that quite often that the bigger girls of any group tend to be the bubbly girls, the ones always cracking the jokes and joining in with the drinking games? I’ve come to think it might be a mask us fuller figured girls wear to hide our feelings and insecurities at the way we look. A friend of mine, a recently new friend actually is also of the fuller figure but we get on like a house on fire and I truly think she is an absolutely beautiful girl. We have exchanged a few pictures, she has sent me a couple of her in her fancy dress outfits that she wears for her fella and I think she looks lovely in them… I have asked if I can share a couple with you which I may do but I will see what happens with this first. I want this to be seen as a place where people can see my personal struggle and perhaps relate to my stories, even given me some of their own opinions.  I have noticed though that a lot of bigger girls tend to have very low self esteem and I hate it, I hate that I don’t have the confidence to strip down to my undies and model them, that I will only wear a swimming costume on holidays as long as I have a towel nearby or a sarong to cover me up!

I was on Facebook earlier and saw a lovely post, so lovely I feel the need to share it below:

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”

 The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

 “Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.

They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.

They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

 Mermaids do not exist.

 But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?

They would have no sex life and could not bear children.

Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.

And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

 Without a doubt, I’d rather be a whale.

 At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

 We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn’t enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.

We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.

Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: “How amazing am I ?! “

Beautiful Woman

Beautiful Woman

Now this post attracted a LOT of comments, something like 1,500+, but it appears that the post has now vanished…. it attracted a few lovely comments about the picture, some comments about women using their size as an excuse to be unhealthy and some even saying that they were simply lazy…. I included the following reply:

Having read through some of these comments I was saddened to see there are a LOT of ignorant and nasty people, a sure sign as to why people of the fuller figure feel the need to fight their corner! Firstly, MY fuller figure could be more toned agreed but I’m actually relatively healthy, no high blood pressure, no diabetes, no heart conditions or anything else just a rounded shape that no amount of exercise of lack of food is curing!! Comments on here about fat people being lazy is just ignorant. You DO NOT know WHY a person is the size they are, and if you actually take the time to READ what the post actually says you might actually LEARN something! People judge others immediately and think because I am fat, I am therefore lazy. Well guess what, STUFF YOU! I am not lazy. I watch what I eat, I exercise when I can and I have a personality that does NOT come with the ‘look at me’ attitude others seem to adopt. I don’t go around criticising smaller people and calling them bags of bones, skinny or anything else offensive! The woman is the picture is actually very pretty if you look at her. If you don’t find it attractive say nothing and move on. I was brought up to be taught ‘if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all\. Perhaps if some of the people on here adopted the same attitude then perhaps the fuller figured people wouldn’t keep feeling the need to say stuff like this in retaliation! Big headed and bigoted comes to mind. Everyone is gorgeous in their own right and to all those being nasty about fat people, I hope that you NEVER have to experience some of the journeys they face and that you don’t have children that get bullied in the playground because they are ignorant and heaven forbid, fat! Karma is a bitch, so be careful what you put out there!… done!

The woman in that picture is stunning in my eyes and I am jealous that she has the confidence for pose for a photo like this… Maybe I should ask my other half to take some of me just for personal keeping. I don’t know it’s a tough one. I could do with being healthier, I could do with being more streamlined and toned but I don’t think it will happen overnight I need to work at it but with bigots out there always being judgmental is it any wonder I hate going to the gym and would rather dance it off in my own front room? Stressful stuff. Always negative too…

Need something a bit more positive to be injected in to this post really. I’ve gained a few new followers so I welcome you and thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings. I also thank all those that have liked my FB page and followed me on twitter. I want to get to know each and everyone of you and would be honoured if you would like to contact me… so if you have an inspiring story to share or a few photos to provide some much need confidence please email them to me at keeley_is@hotmail.com

Signing off..

CG. xxx

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