Inspiration vs Desperation

So today has been a busy day, setting up a twitter account and Facebook page for people to follow me on is one way I am hoping people will support my cause.  As I was out driving in the car I noticed loads of differences in how I was looking at things, from other road users to the pedestrians on the road, wondering how their life stories may affect their daily routines. Everything we do is affected by choices we make and the way we view people. For example, there was a lady walking across the road with a slight limp. I couldn’t help but wonder if her limp had been caused by an accident or just wear n tear of the body. Did her limp make her choose to wear the dark coloured clothes she was wearing or was it just the first thing she pulled from the wardrobe this morning. Unless I actually stopped and spoke to her I would never know her story.

Anyway, I have gone off on a bit of a tangent. This morning my choices consisted on what to have for breakfast and whether I should have tea or coffee, then the worst choice ever…. what to wear.  Now being female, it would be thought that I would have a wardrobe full to the brim of clothes and if  ‘This Morning’ is to be believed I would have at least 12 dresses in my wardrobe to choose from, I have 4, they are all maxi dresses and are all dark in colour, like the majority of my clothes. Being of the bigger build my wardrobe tends to consist of an awful lot of black and other dark colours, I also have a couple of pairs of jeans in there which come out every so often. Today I chose to wear black trousers with a pink-ish colour top , black cardigan to hide my large arms and my trainers. Nothing much changes really. I have a few cheeky t-shirts I enjoy wearing but otherwise I prefer to blend into the background, I don’t want people to see how big I am, however I do think this is solely because I am constantly worried about what people think of me. For example, if I am involved in a road rage incident (this happens often), the other person will undoubtedly call me a fat something, or an ugly B*)!@! or even a disgusting waste of space. Now initially I will respond with something like, I can lose weight you can’t change your face, but those words will forever haunt me. FAT, UGLY, GROTESQUE, DISGUSTING.

I have learned I am none of those things. I just need more inspiration. I’m desperate for inspiration to break out of the mould of wearing black or clothes to blend into the background, or to buy clothes that cost a small fortune just because they are ‘plus sized’. So we have recently gained the likes of Claire Richards, Gemma Collins and Beth Ditton, Dawn French has always been another ‘fuller’ lady and the first thing that comes to mind is that every single one of these women have a fantastic personality! They all want to be involved and get a party started, they all have the energy to get things moving. I will come back to the personality thing another time but for now I’m going to focus on clothes. They may be beginning to inspire the fashion world but they are also inspiring the prices of their designs which some can scarcely afford!

I was talking to a friend today and we were both laughing at the same thing. Have you ever tried to purchase a pair of jeans in a size 18 in a place like Dorothy Perkins? You go to the changing room (if you are brave enough) and inevitably try the jeans on, only to discover that they are a tad on the small size, so I now have to face the embarrassing task of asking the size 10 changing room assistant for the next size up, just to be sure they fit, only to realise that the assistant could quite possibly fit into one leg of these jeans!! It’s AWFUL!! I’ve yet to go to a store that isn’t specifically for the plus sized person where I don’t feel so out of place. I am only 30 years old and the most store that would stock my size are never in the styles I would choose. I can’t pop in to the likes of Primark for a cheap top because to be fair although they are doing the ‘larger sizes’ even my size 8 friends have to buy a size bigger to make sure they fit, so don’t even get me started on the bra sizes available!! Evans is the main store I’d need to go into to purchase clothes that are fairly good quality but once again this shop is not cheap and I would hardly call it cutting edge in terms of style and/or fashion! I might be fuller figured but I do not want to wear a tent to hide everything. I have a bum, chunky thighs, a tummy and just to top it all off I have chunky arms. I’m working on toning up all of these places but no amount of toning appears to work so lots of water will need to help me!

In fact, I’m going to add some photo’s of myself so you can see what I mean. I might be of the bigger build but I want to be encouraged to show what I have without fear that a stranger is going to call me names and a group of girls are going to attack me verbally because that’s what some girls do….

Standing on a balcony.

Standing on a balcony.

Just a pose

Just a pose

 

I am a fuller figured girl and I have to accept that I just wish others could be just as accepting… Inspiring others to accept differences can be a job on its own but it can happen! So I might not look great in a pair of skinny jeans, but I sure as hell know I can pull off a smile when I need one and welcoming persona to accept others for their differences.

When I shop for clothes, it’s hard work. I have a choice of hiding behind the courier delivering items to my door that I have ordered from the likes of fashion world or simply be or even George. I LOVE George for clothes. They seem to cater for most sizes actually. Although a small gripe, have you noticed that if you go up a size things items get wider instead of longer? They also cater for the larger busted lady as well… I may have quite a big cup size for my body but not all stores factor in the back size needs to go up as well! Ann Summers is another one. I’m in a loving relationship and while I can purchase fantasy outfits like a nurses uniform or school girl, but the actual lingerie is a tough one!! They never seem to have the size I want and need. I have been given assurances that Ann Summers for one are researching this issue so watch this space. It’s one of those stores where the sales assistants always seem so polite and non judgmental simply because of the other items they stock I imagine… M & S offer a fabulous range of lingerie which is great but have you ever noticed that something in a 34C never looks quite so sexy in a size 40DD? The price tends to be quite different too!

Also, have you noticed the models they use when advertising clothing on fashion world or simply be? The models always look to be the smallest of the sizes available instead of a middle size to show what the outfit might actually look like on the actual target market! I’m available! I’ll model if you like… I can’t walk in heels but I can hold my own and am willing to pose with my face if you will let me….

I can’t design clothes, I wish I could as I would love to be able to create a plus size range of clothes at affordable prices so if anyone knows of any please let me know…

I think I’ve rambled a bit too much now so let me sign off for tonight.

CG. xxx

 

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