Too Long…

What a year it has been. I’m currently really glad I am not a celebrity as they all seem to be vanishing so quickly and with no real explanation. I still cannot believe some of those who have been taken this year.

I’ve not blogged in a while for a million and one reasons but my New Year’s resolution is to get back into writing my observations from the view of a plus size girl in this image obsessed world as well as to keep a more positive mindset. I don’t want to set the typical ‘to lose weight’ one or ‘to get fit’ or ‘give up smoking or alcohol’ ‘get a new job’ I’ve never really understood why a person wants to wait until the new year? If you aren’t happy anytime is a good time to proceed and make a change why wait for the year to change to make it happen? Start as you mean to go on I get there but if you commence the New Year with the monster of all hangovers then surely getting fit, giving up smoking or drinking or even losing weight will seem even more impossible and if you start badly some people give up instantly! Moderation if you ask me.. But blogging more, taking more photo’s (not necessarily selfie’s) are all such a good idea. Perhaps making others smile or agreeing to meet with friends once a month are all so much nicer and achievable?

Given all that has happened in the last 12 months I’ve come to realise that sometimes we have to really follow everything we believe is right for us. I’ve been so angry with the world. The Ex Mr was sentenced to 4 years imprisonment after he was convicted of counterfeit when he was printing Scottish £ notes in an attempt to earn money. How I managed to get caught up in all of that is a revelation in itself but when you are in the middle of a situation you can be blinded by everything. I had no idea how much of an emotionally draining and abusive relationship I was in, I couldn’t see it. I was so convinced that he was right and was looking out for me that why would I suspect anything? I’d wear certain clothes but get told to change them because they were ‘too revealing’ why would I need to do that if my partner really loved me? Surely he should realise that no matter what I was wearing I was still returning to him so what did it matter if my top showed a little cleavage?  Towards the end of me and him it got worse though. I’ve since discovered he was cheating on me in those last months but in fairness I wasn’t looking for it and nor did I care. He had done such a number on me I was passed bothered about anything that may make me feel worse. It came to a head though when he took off again from the flat with no word except a letter left on the side saying ‘sorry I ruined your life, Goodbye’. Now given his mental health and previous suicide attempts when I tried to leave before and despite me telling him to get the hell out he hadn’t. HE had said on previous occasions that he was going to ‘the office’ (a place where he was doing some freelance work in the town) and stayed on the sofa when in actual fact he was with his next chick. I called the police on this latest note and left them to deal with him. We had had an argument earlier in the day but I’d left to help out with my Dad’s dog and it gave him peace and me space too. I explained everything to the officers who told me not to get involved and that it was all over with etc. I didn’t have to essentially worry as he was being treated as a missing ‘vulnerable’ person. and it would go on from there.

In their search for him the police broke in to the office and because he had refused to answer their calls etc and given his past this was justified. So when he turns up the next day at the ‘office’ without a clue of the drama he’s obviously told not to return there etc and in that even cut me off from the only people in the area as he only knew the business because of me! HE had ME arrested when he accused me of assault – he had pushed me against the door bruising my back, scratched my face grabbing the phone off of me and caused me so many problems mentally I was like a punching bag for his crap! Whilst I was in custody providing examples of everything the loser was back at the flat emptying it of all my things like an apple macbook air, some money, jewellery (which his new girlfriend has), left all the windows to the flat wide open so Jesse could have escaped, as well as smashing up loads of things. He left lots of sentimental stuff behind like snowglobes for a child he had had with an ex who had passed minutes after being born, all his other kids photos etc whilst then telling the kids that I had all their Christmas presents. What a charmer.

He was all round bad news. Thing is though, that at the time you cannot see it can you? You believe that they don’t mean it and it’s a glitch, it must have been something I had done to cause him to flip his lid like that.

He had signed me up to websites and was inviting  strange men over in an attempt to persuade me to sleep with them while he watched and when I didn’t and wouldn’t I would get called all kinds of names. It’s all the little things that go on. I know now that it was all kinds of abuse but at the time it was just my life and I had chosen it. I couldn’t go to family because they had all been so nasty and cut me off, my Dad and brother were the only contact I had and he made contacting them a problem.

All the while his trial for counterfeit was going on and every time he got to be out of his ‘normal’ mind he would blame it on PTSD and that he had been bullied and threatened into printing the money. It appears obvious now that he was possibly the one who was the mastermind behind it all.

I guess hindsight is a wonderful thing I know that. But the damage caused can never be undone. Not in a few days, months, years or decades. It cannot be undone.. It’s left scars and deep ones at that….

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Major Changes

What can I say? It’s been way too long since I published any kind of posts but I think I should try and reinvent this and get back to where I was then!

Cannot believe its been 18 months since my last post! But what an 18 months.

The Curvy Girl Household has gone through some major upheavals but to put them all in one post would possibly leave you all mind boggled. I’ve not really been out and about for a while buying clothes or treating myself to anything as my mood and self confidence kind of fell through the floor. Not long after my last post things at home took a really bad turn. Mr CG has vacated the household and left behind some scars both physical and mental ones but I will take time out to follow that one up in due course, but on the plus side as the Mr left I was able to adopt a new ‘baby’ by which I mean a new friend for my little man Jesse Pinknose. I now also have Luna Lu.

I’ve also gone through a number of differences one way or another, building up my strength to get through the problems with the ex Mr whilst learning to rely on myself and discovering who my real friends are or aren’t depending on the circumstances. Over the last 18 months I’ve definitely grown and I’ve come to understand that perhaps I am using my size as a barrier to hide behind rather than embracing it again. When I initially started this blog I was attempting to empower women to embrace their curves as well as the extras we had been given without worrying what others thought, same I wasn’t listening to myself. Given all that has gone on of late I’ve decided that maybe if my experiences of life, clothes shopping, job hunting and the emotional upheaval left behind by someone else can give just a small glimmer of light to one person then surely I will have achieved something?!

CG has continued to grow on Facebook despite the little time I’ve been putting in but what with losing my Macbook (there’s a story here), learning new skills etc it’s been a struggle.  CG is on instagram, facebook and Twitter and I guess it’s time to embrace snapchat but I’m not sure how much of a following that may obtain so I might leave that for now. It’s all very much up in the air so perhaps I should sleep on things tonight and start tomorrow with the stories of the last 18 months then I can really ‘move forward’ and get rebuilding myself again! I’ve discovered that vlogging (video blogging) is a possibly new route to take but I’m not quite sure I’m built for camera so I may play that by ear and see where we end up…

For those who have previously followed me and those I may now attract I do hope I don’t bore you and would love to hear from you if you have a spare few minutes. I’m not a complete techno phobe but I’m not a baby anymore so somethings I can be a bit slow to work out!

Still, let me leave you tonight with a glimpse at the 2 furries. They totally adore one another and I can’t say I blame them they are brilliant company!

image1 (5)

Jesse and Luna cuddled up on a ‘radiator bed’ that’s actually found its way onto the end of my bed as they don’t like the radiators. Luna is a troublemaker and a complete handful but Jesse is so much more laid back…

Here’s a more recent picture of me. Taken towards the end of last year as I have started to go back blonde again, but you will see me as I was then… image1 (6)

I think I took the picture on the right as I had been struggling to find a decent pair of jeans that fit, these ones are South Denim Jeans which I think I got through very.co.uk but I can’t remember! Never understood why my necklace continually got stuck like that but clearly it does.

Any way, G’night for now my lovelies and I hope to be able to blog again this week with more updates.

For now though, big kisses.

CG

xXx xXx

 

Winter Is Coming!

Hiya!

Well here we go again, it’s been another long time since I wrote a blog but SO much has happened I’ve hit the floor running quite literally. I’ve had the injections in my back which resolved nothing and I’ve had my leg done which has resolved (for now) the recurring problems with the veins in my leg making it swell randomly. I’ve not lost any more weight unfortunately but I think I need to press myself a bit harder on that score in terms of toning and doing more exercise, so I have to take some responsibility there, but I’ve started to make other changes such as back to the grind of the daily working schedule and an increase in social life activities.  I kind of stopped socialising so much because I would cringe about going to places wearing big clothes or feeling out of place because I couldn’t stand due to the pain in my back or dance for that matter! BUT This is because I know people were looking at me thinking it’s because of my size rather than the fact I simply have a physical problem! It’s kind of frustrating actually.

It’s been a struggle with the summer and trying to look nice during those HOT summer’s days we were having, am sure you will remember!? Sleeping with windows open and fans on full that’s of course if you actually managed to get sleep. I got by wearing some short sleeved tops and wraps or short sleeve cardigans to hide my arms but was this my own mind making me feel the need to cover up? Of course close friends were telling me I looked ‘fine’ or ‘great’ but they are good friends so they will tell me that won’t they?! Having good friends makes things so much better I know I can talk to them about anything and they will be honest with me but given a conversation about image it can be a bit hazy. I’ve noticed that although I might be more comfortable than I’ve ever been about my size and shape some of my friends can find it something they will choose to avoid mainly because THEY are uncomfortable with it. I don’t think it’s intentional, in fact I would go as far as saying they possibly don’t even realise.

I’ve also had a bit of an image transformation. I’m no longer a blonde, I’m a red head!! I was getting bored of being blonde. I’ve been blonde since I was about 16 years old and whilst blondes may have more fun a red head turns the heads 😉 so here goes….

Before & After

Before & After

As you can see the red works really well with my Joe Brown Collection top from Fashion World!! I still get comments about that and my Claire Richards Kimono whenever I wear it. It’s awesome! I love receiving compliments especially being a size 18. It’s still not huge I know but unfortunately with the media the way it is this size is not accepted!! It does make me feel sad knowing that though as I do feel like I will never be accepted unless I conform to society and how a woman should fit the mould built up already, sad but true. I will never be able to change this by myself and the whole time the media is against what is beautiful and continually makes people feel bad about how they look this just won’t change. In my opinion being “plus-size”, “curvy”, “fat” or any other name you can think of for not being the average size 12, makes you different and that’s fine with some but others like to point differences out, make it an issue to bully people about. It’s just slightly warped. With enough hatred in the world already this should be the last thing on people’s minds! One day maybe.

Another big development in the Curvy Girl household we have a new member! Nope, not a baby, well not a human baby. We have a kitten! Welcome Baby Jesse Pinknose (The Mr is a Breaking Bad fan and Jesse has a pink nose). He’s incredibly cute and loves a photo so I will only share these couple of them with you otherwise this post is going to be ridiculously long!!

Little Jesse Pinknose

Little Jesse Pinknose

Jesse posing.

Jesse posing.

Our little dude

Our little dude

He is completely spoiled rotten, has his own routine and runs riot in the place but we love him all the same! He keeps us both on our toes and we do have some fun playing games with him, whether it’s flicking paper across the room or having him run through tunnels. The best part is night time though. He knows it’s bed time when we turn the lights off and he runs into the bedroom to wait. He then plays for about half an hour, by play I mean be naughty clawing or jumping on the bed before he settles into his bed under the window, which consists of a duvet cover and a vest top of mine! He’s crazy but such a little character.

Anyway, I’ve noticed the massive shift in weather so I’ve had to review the wardrobe again! The ONLY good thing about winter is that I can get away with layering up, chunky knits and tracksuit where I need to, BUT I’ve got no boots! I struggle to find boots that fit my chunky legs without making me look chunkier or just to do up. Even ankle boots are a nightmare to locate with chunky legs. I’m not an UGG boot fan they just don’t work in the winter or when they get wet, they also look pretty awful at times as well. It’s actually pretty dire. I’ve searched the internet for all kinds of reviews, tips and advice but I’ve not found anything!! It’s so frustrating! I don’t want to spend out ridiculous money on a pair of knee highs just because I have to get a wider pair knowing that I will want new ones again next year, a style change or they will wear out! I mean I know women tend to spend a lot on clothes and shoes etc but I don’t like to be ripped off! In fact would rather have more choices than spend silly money on one item unless it’s a special occasion. Boots I know will carry me through the winter but sure the choices are to be made with the best for me in mind not the people making them. I know New look have some new designs in so maybe I will check them out over the next week or so. I was lucky to have located some Rocket Dog ones earlier this year, but they were ankle boots, with zips and studs so as you can imagine they aren’t quite the up to date style so I need to replace those. I didn’t pay too much for them as I was lucky in TK Maxx one day.

I’ve been looking at the new collections on the plus sized websites and I’ve got to say I’m loving the new collections! Nothing is looking frumpy or like tents. I’m quite excited about the winter collections actually!

http://www.fashionworld.co.uk

The joy of being a plus sized girl in this world needs a new spin of light on it. The Curvy Girl light I’m beginning to think! We need more positive role models. More Plus size availability and a much better description than PLUS SIZE!

I AM A CURVY GIRL AND I AM NOT TO BE JUDGED BASED ON MY APPEARANCE BUT WHAT I BRING TO LIFE 🙂

Love to you all.

CG xx

It’s Been A While But…

Hi there. It’s surprising how many blogs I’ve begun with an apology for the delay in blogging but I’ve literally been so under the learning curve rope that I have simply lost track! However, I thought I would return today with a bit of a bang! Loving life and some of the influential things I’ve seen on Twitter and Facebook lately, supporting the curvier group  of people out there. I’ve been reading many posts and blogs about weight loss struggles including the use of instagram and Facebook Pages detailing the daily struggle of food challenges and exercise, photo’s of before and after their struggles to “fit in” with what they think is the norm. I’ve yet to read a blog that inspires me enough that they are actually doing that to better themselves, to make them feel healthier!

Now almost 2 years ago I had a bad accident at a place I was working. I managed to slip down 14 concrete steps in a GP surgery resulting in a couple of prolapsed discs and a very painful knee. When I first sought help I was constantly told that the problem would resolve if I lost some weight. I wanted to hit someone! What did my weight have to do with the fall??? Here’s the dilemma. If I hadn’t been as ‘big’ as I was it’s very likely that I would have done MORE damage, yet being as ‘big’ as I am I possibly did more damage! How do you work round that one?! I’ve faced many struggles since that accident as well as generally. I’ve been on a lot of medication which has enabled me to go to the gym in an attempt to strengthen my back but of late those meds haven’t worked. In addition to that in just over a week’s time I will FINALLY be going to hospital for surgery in an attempt to get my leg back to normal (it’s currently about 5cm bigger than the other due to swelling). Anyway, I thought I would share with you MY BEFORE AND AFTER PICTURE.

My 'before' and 'after' pictures.

My ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures.  

sort of 'inbetween'

sort of ‘inbetween’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I started to lose some weight recently after I joined the gym, drinking lots of water and eating much better. Living on a tight budget does make eating healthy so much harder! Some fruit and healthy products are so expensive, but we all have to make sacrifices. I lost this weight after my “amazing” family felt the need to point out that my image was an issue, however given that they could only call me fat made me feel a bit better, especially as the things I could call them would fit on an A2 piece of paper!! I wanted to prove to myself that I have control of my life and that name calling doesn’t bother me. I’ve dealt with being called ‘fatty’ and being told to ‘go and eat another McDonalds’ since I was about 13. I lost my mum when I was 12 years old and I guess I comfort ate, but it’s not an excuse is it? I’m MUCH happier now than I’ve been in many years. I’m working on the relationship with my Dad and my brother with them it’s difficult but we are getting there! I’ve stopped contact with the others simply because it was doing me no favours remaining in contact with them, but it does hurt. I miss some of the crazy things that used to happen but I’m so glad not to be the ‘wallet’ to them all anymore.

The Mr has been fabulous. He is struggling a little bit as his weight has escalated and he is really unhappy with his image. I’ve told him I still love him and I always will, but his self esteem needs to come from within. A lesson I’ve learned in life and one I wish I could teach to others. I’m still the same person, still wanting to make others welcome, encouraging others to be more confidant and to enjoy life! I arranged a birthday event for a friend recently, it was actually a few friends but one dropped out (I’m not entirely sure what happened there) and it went down a storm. I hit the pound shop and got some glow stick glasses and headbands, badges with ‘birthday girl’ on them, a birthday cake that kind of thing! It went REALLY REALLY well. I know it might sound silly but these small things can make such a difference. I even got bubbles and was blowing them around in the pub!   It was so much fun. We laughed and enjoyed it. That is what life is all about! I can’t wait until tomorrow, I’m looking forward to psychic circle developing skills and just the social part of meeting new people! I need to be more social actually. I keep picking the wrong people at the moment. I’ve been having a tough time. I trusted a person who has thrown their friendship in my face, it’s really knocked my personal confidence and I feel like I have been pushed back to a place I don’t want to go again.

Perfect! xx

Perfect! xx

Everyone struggles in life, everyone has a story to tell. The only way we get through it is by focusing on the good things and getting out there and facing the challenges. Blow the obstacles in the way and treat them as an experience and learn from them rather than hate them. Yes it’s a madness and sometimes we struggle to get through them but with a good circle of friends and love, anything is possible. We show those struggling that they are not alone and that they can trust us, that to be trusted is an honour but I can only do so if I am allowed to help. Yes, I heard some of this on a TV programme Penny Dreadful, but I heard it and loved it. How wrong can one be? We need to make the best of what we have, we only get on shot at this it’s not worth feeling rubbish most of the time, have a couple of bad days, have a few mad days but just remember that sometimes things are always simple……. just be yourself and don’t sway from that ever. Don’t let some small minded people put you down. The chances are they are feeling crap about themselves and need to pass it on to others. If you are happy as you are then keep yourself happy. IF you aren’t happy then change it. Sometimes it’s a hard choice but treat it like an obstacle in your life and something you need to get passed to be able to live your life YOUR way!

Much love for now….

CG xxx

Fashion World Look

Wow! Summer has hit the UK with a huge bang, had some amazing sunshine and personally I’ve had some fun times with the Mr and with some of my good friends. We recently had the Mr’s birthday and spent the day up at Thorpe Park and laughed so hard and so much that I actually lost my voice for 3 days much to the joy of those around me. It’s been great. My mood has lifted, I’ve been enjoying everything and looking for new things to experiment with! So I’ve been looking into new looks for myself, I’ve got zero summer wear at the moment, I mean the weather in England is never predictable but with last year’s up and down in the weather I just didn’t get many clothes last year so the pressure has been on.

So, I looked through the Joe Browns Collection on Fashion World (fashion world.co.uk) and ordered a few things. Obviously my sole reason for starting this blog was to share my finds with you all and what a better time than with these new items! I’ve often chosen dark colours as something to hide behind, to make me blend into the background so this first look was very unusual for me… I asked the Mr to get a decent shot of the outfit so you can see it properly so will be interesting to hear what some of you may think of my choices…

Joe Browns Gold Coast Tunic

Joe Browns Gold Coast Tunic

Okay so here’s the first one. It’s the Gold Coast Tunic, currently £39.00 on fashion world and I paired it with jeans and my little cardigan. I did that as there was rain in the air and the temperature had dropped slightly but this top looks amazing with or without the little cardigan. The length of the top was perfect, managing to cover all my problem parts like my bum and hips. The top doesn’t dip too low so doesn’t flash too much cleavage although my arms weren’t covered completely it did not hinder this choice. I loved the colours, the material everything about it, the style was lovely as well and I enjoyed wearing it. The Mr loved me wearing something other than the usual black or white and I managed a couple of comments when in town today!

Gold Coast Tunic

Gold Coast Tunic

I can visualise this top being worn to a picnic, round town or even to an impromptu party without having to worry about being underdressed. You can see my arms in this picture which is fine as I need to get passed my own problems before thinking others can. I know I can tone my arms up in the future and I will work on that once I finally get back down the gym, but I’ve been advised not to go pending recovery on the injections I had in my back.

Gold Coast Tunic

Gold Coast Tunic

As you will see in the picture it looks like it flares out slightly the back but I’ve actually got my hand in my pocket. It’s so comfortable to wear I felt so happy and smiley as I walked around. I loved that it was so universal. In terms of the bottoms, I think it would work well with a pair of jean shorts, leggings and if you are super daring could even be worn as a beach cover up as a different look. I only had my trainers on today but a pair of summer wedges would have worked and so would a pair of flip flops… but given today’s slight dip in weather trainers worked! In addition though it was just brilliant wearing something so light, summery and flirty. I loved it…! I purchased this in a Size 18 but to be honest I think I could have got away with a Size 16. It fitted well in most places and I normally have problems around my chest area but this seemed be just right.

I also tried a blue crumpled (effect) shirt also from the Joe Browns Collection. I chose the colour because I wouldn’t normally choose a bright colour like this and I thought of so many ways to dress the shirt up or down depending on the look I needed to pull off.

Versatile Jersey Shirt

Versatile Jersey Shirt

The shirt itself doesn’t come with the black top underneath I decided to jazz it up with that. The shirt looks fine without it but I wanted to have it like a pull over, so if I got too warm I could take the blue shirt off and have a plain black on underneath. I love that it’s a crumpled style! I am not a huge ironing fan so this is amazing for me. It’s really smart looking but it looks brilliant on, I originally wanted a black one but then I decided to try a much brighter colour. The borrow sits down below my waist hiding my bum again but I love that it gives me a shape, it’s not something I’ve had in a VERY long time. I loved this top as well. I loved being able to add an extra top underneath as well as not if I chose too. I also thought it would look fabulous under jacket for more formal wear for work should the need arise, and is easy to take from day to evening. This shirt would also look amazing with a knee length pencil skirt, which I shall try out later this week, with a decent pair of closed toe wedges! Cannot wait. I’ve not been so excited in experimenting with my looks as I have this last week!

Versatile Jersey Shirt

Versatile Jersey Shirt

The material of this shirt is amazing light and the actual colour is listed as bright blue. It’s a steal at just £35.00. It has so far received 5 stars from all those who have provided reviews on the website to date. Should I be lucky enough to go on holiday this year and I’ve toned my leg I reckon it would be brilliant to take from day to night with a gorgeous pair of shorts! It looks great with a pair of jeans and with leggings, it really is that versatile. The instructions to wash this are amazingly straight forward although I haven’t washed it yet so I will keep you posted with regards to how this goes. Who’d have thought being interested in fashion again?! It’s been such a learning curve to be able to open my mind in trying new things and colours but I actually love it!! Even the Mr does 🙂

This shirt was again a size 18 but to be honest a could have gotten away a smaller size. I do love fashion world for their generous sizing! Some of the costings can be a bit more but if you have a credit account then it’s easy to break down the cost of a small purchase order!! It’s also really easy to want everything.

Now moving on to my favourite item….

Up and Down Dress

Up and Down Dress

This is the Joe Browns Up and Down Dress in Grey Multi colour. When I first saw it online it was advertised in Stone, with a brown around the bottom but the grey called to me more, I thought the grey was the better colour for my skin tone. The stone coloured one made me look very washed out but this one looked amazing, I fell in love with it the second I saw it. It is a short sleeve dress, so I put a short cardigan on it to hide my arms and put on a pair of wedges, I felt tall, sexy and fun in this dress. The length was idea, just below the knee so I felt lovely a cool in the hot weather and feeling very feminine in it made me want to go back and order more clothes! I loved the shape this dress gave me, it didn’t cling anywhere including my chest, and it flared out in the right places without making me look massive. I have a couple of pictures of me dressed in this without the cardigan but as I wore this out for the evening I needed something to cover me up a tad! I used a little clutch bag, wore some silver bangles and my little dress watch. I got a lot of comments from so many people. Many pointing out how much I’d lost recently, but mainly that it was good to see me in something different!

Up and Down Dress

Up and Down Dress

I actually have a waist which I loved being shown off in this dress. IT didn’t make me feel like the plus sized girl I know that I am. I want to be considered as pretty and nice despite my size, I still need to get passed that stigma, but I guess until I accept myself as I am how can I expect others to do it too? I love these knew clothes and I love that they make feel sexy and feminine in this hot weather. I’ve been looking for a maxi dress, but since trying this one on I’m not so keen on the maxi dress, I think it might highlight my poor shape and look more like a tent on me rather than a dress similar to this one and the Claire Richards Dress I got earlier this year! This dress was in a size 18 also, I may have been able to squeeze into a size 16 but I think it may really have been a squeeze in this case, the dress cost £50 and is totally worth it. Will be ideal on a holiday, but even to work or just on a nice slightly less formal occasion.It might be possible to dress this up a lot more for that really special occasion but it might take a bit more than what I have done at this point.

I’ve been so excited about being able to review these clothes with you all and I’m sure I will post more once I’ve washed them all and worn them again letting you know just how worth the money these clothes have been! I am a huge fashion world fan, I know it can cost a bit more but the quality of their clothes has yet to stump me and make me feel like I’ve paid way too much for anything. The Mr has loved my choices so that can’t be a bad thing in anyway can it? I mean if the Mr likes how good you look he will certainly love telling you. It’s been a joy trying these things out which are so outside my normal choices it’s been a great learning curve on a personal level as well.

Being plus size is about accepting yourself first then moving on to experiment a bit more with what we have. I’m more likely to try more colours in the near future and I will most definitely be working on trying out new types of clothing such as this dress and even the simple tops that I’ve tried have really made such a difference. The summer can now come along!!

Massive thank you to Fashion World for their brilliant designs and for being so approachable. I urge you all to give them a go if you haven’t already. http://www.fashionworld.co.uk

Plus for all the first time customers you will get 10% discount on your first orders, AND you can shop right up until 8pm and still get next day delivery! That service I love, especially when landed with a lost minute party knowing I need something last minute!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend My Lovelies.

Curvy Girl xxx

Life Goes On Regardless Of What Is Thrown At You

Okay so things have been beyond hectic and beyond frustrating and spiteful. I’m slightly concerned at present that my disgusting family may have discovered my blog and are following my life events on here so it’s likely I will either need to move my site to something else or be less personal. The problem with a blog is that it needs to be personal to remain a sort of thing people want to read…. So what do I do?!

I managed to burn my hand this evening so it’s a bit sore as I sit here typing this current update. I won’t go into too much detail about what’s happened, but needless to say it’s not been pretty. A lot of accusations have been flying around with comments made that have no background support and some mud slinging which is just pathetic, unfortunately that’s my ‘family’ for you. I have a dead beat uncle with 2 sons, 1 who thinks he is the mutt’s nuts when in actual fact he is just a jumped up nothing who will hopefully soon meet his match that will knock him down to his real level. The other son doesn’t really need mentioning his life revolves around football, his mouth gets laity but only because he has daddy to back him up. The Uncle wouldn’t know a hard day’s work and makes the families on Benefits Street look like hard workers, trust me!! How he gets by I will never know, actually I do but perhaps that’s one I should leave for now. The Aunt married to this Uncle, doesn’t work either, she sort of potters about not doing too much she has an excuse in that she has quite a serious injury although technically she could quite easily work some kind of office job I just think they like the cushy life they have handed to them! I had to call them the other day to ‘sort this out’ after I posted something about them bullying me and not having the balls to contact me despite giving them my number. I was annoyed when I called and the Aunt had the cheek to call me ‘darling’ and the Uncle wanted to call me ‘mate’. He brought things up from 3 years ago when I went out on NYE with the other Aunt I was close to at the time for an Indian and he seemed put out that I’d done that! Well, given that she made an effort to want to go out and not tell me how to run my life, or  judge my every move it’s hardly shocking I tended to bond with her more than him. I’ve never been a football fan so the things I have in common with this group is pretty minimal. I’ve always wanted to work with people and given that is what I’m doing I don’t quite grasp why they all of a sudden feel the need to put me down. Especially when the Aunt’s family cannot stand my Uncle’s family (also mine) for heaps of reasons. However; this is completely allowed! This has become a problem because one of the boys was sleeping with his girlfriend BEFORE she was 16 years old. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been a teenager and I was a bit older before I went that far, but needless to say that this hasn’t gone down very well…. They say the truth hurts and I’m guessing it really has. I mean when looking at this it seems like a jealousy thing, but had this Uncle perhaps made more effort perhaps I may have tried a bit harder to make more time for him, I mean at one point I did for the Aunt (my dad’s sister) and the other Uncle (my dad’s OTHER brother) so I’m sure I could have made time for him had I not felt odd about it….

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This particular group have been send pretty spiteful things to me, like being alone in life, little more than a druggie or suffering with psychological issues, and that I have no friends in my life.  Wouldn’t mind but given that the Uncle also sent the Mr disturbing messages accusing me of having a fling in Turkey before getting my boobs out in Croydon. Funniest part of that is that I only really went to Croydon immediately after work which normally meant my car was there, or on the rare occasion I was with my cousins! How wrong can some people be. There’s little point in correcting their bad information it’s futile, they have already made up their minds so I think I will crack on with what I know I have, I mean I have a lot of friends to play catch up with, we are all out Friday night for another spiritual healing, plus in a couple of week we are heading for some private land with a cabin for some away time which is going to be amazing! I will definitely get some photo’s.

The Mr currently has the desire to purchase a drone, this is a flying camera which can be controlled via an iPad or phone. Well, today I managed to treat us both to a 4G iPad Air which was a nice little bonus, but I guess hard work pays off huh? Still nice to be rewarded for good work! The Mr is hard at work with the website stuff and the brochures so America is definitely a possibility this year! I swear if we make it to Vegas I’m hitting the cheesy chapel for a wedding just to have a story to tell hehehehe.

I been wearing some new clothes to work this week, lots of bright colours, especially pinks and purples, it’s amazing how much a colour can change your mood as well as others?! I heard somewhere that wearing red can be a bad thing as it seems to put people in a  bit of an odd mood, luckily I think red isn’t my colour! I’m getting the barnet sorted on Friday which is awesome. It’s been a while since I had it done, but I don’t mind, it’s a treat now to have it done! With the fact I now go to a clean salon and my hair is so much nicer I’m pleased with the choice I made to visit this lady, she is pretty bloody brilliant.

Awesome!

Awesome!

 

Since seeing this image every time I see my friends we call each other awesome. I have a variety of friends, all of different shapes and sizes and our images never come into our friendship ever. We are who we are and we don’t judge, I know that I can contact anyone of my small group of friends and they will be there for me, what else do I need in life? Yes I’ve had a bad time with my family, but most people have stories about their families and as the saying goes, you can’t pick your family, but I’m just pleased my choices in friends is up there as amazing, because I am very, VERY lucky to have the friends in my life that I do. I’ve had to make choices in life that others may never have to make ever, I’m stronger than I was a week ago and I have my friends to remind me of that! My psychic circle has given me confidence lately to get me through, I keep being told I have a gift in terms of psychic abilities, some might say that makes me crazy but I just absorb what I see. I can read tarot cards, angel cards and oracle cards and I’m now trying to learn about palm reading. Palm reading is based more around science and what you can see in the lines of the hands, the shape of the hands that kind of thing it’s a constant learning curve I am told but we shall see how far I can go with that one….

In the mean time my lovelies, I hope you are all well and are enjoying my ongoing posts.

Curvy girl xXx

 

So Much To Do, So Little Time To Do It All.

Well, here we go again. I’ve been away from the screen for far too long and it is totally unfair! I love blogging and I seem to have fallen off the wagon slightly. I can’t even pretend that I’ve been doing research because I haven’t, I’ve literally been trying to get through all this rubbish to find the positive side of what it going on. Now I know we have to go through the rough to appreciate the smooth, but come on, all at once? I’ve come to appreciate being the size I am because I have to, my latest motto is “if you’ve got it, flaunt it”.  However this does come with limitations….. I can’t understand it when girls wear leggings that go see thru at the back with a short jumper, or nude leggings, I just can’t get by with these two things in life. Maybe if your partner wants to see this, then fabulous, I’m pleased for you, but PLEASE not when I’m out shopping for my weekly food shop or just out with the Mr having coffee!!! There’s a limit and this crosses it. This isn’t just about the bigger, curvier women, this goes for ALL women.

I’m not a huge fan of PDA’s (public display of affection) either, this is something that can be very lovely BUT only when it is not someone chewing the face of another, or hands in places. There are children about, as well as me. Okay rants over…… Well, mini ranting anyway.

I’ve been trying to build up Curvy Girl on Facebook again, posting inspirational pictures, sharing great stories and news as and when I find it and I love that my things get shared, but I’ve no idea how to get the ‘fans‘ of the page to be more communicative with me! Do I have to offer prizes and competitions to get people to respond to me? I’m not really a massive fan of this idea to be honest, mainly because this is more about me sharing my life experiences with you all. As you may have noticed my interest in all things psychic, new age, pagan and spiritual has moved up a notch, in a good way. I’m not a fortune teller, nor am I going to claim I am able to pass messages on, I’d love to do that but unfortunately I need to develop my skills a bit more before any of that can happen. I’m learning about past lives and general psychic behaviour at the moment and there is a lot of information out there to absorb, if only this was as easy as absorbing extra calories or putting on the lb’s I reckon I’d be a mastermind by now 😉   I have a new interest that is filling my time pending the surgery required on my back and leg following my mad fall down the stairs 18 months ago.

I’d just started a new job, 2 weeks in when I was returning from my break (20 minutes) and I slipped down the stairs on my leg and back causing serious damage to myself. Now, I was working at a Doctor’s surgery and I had 2 Doctor’s rush to help me, in addition to the fact that the waiting room was completely filled to the brim. EMBARRASSED does not cover what I felt, trust me. I’m reliably informed that my size aided me in that if I hadn’t been the size I was I probably would have broken something, however, if I wasn’t the size I was perhaps the fall wouldn’t have been quite so tough on me. I was off work for 2 weeks as I wasn’t able to walk then I discovered that I’d actually also obtained 2 maybe 3 prolapsed discs in my spin which hasn’t been easy to gain control of. I’ve been on umpteen medications and it appears an epidural is the next step which I am currently waiting for. I’m also attending surgery for my leg in an attempt to get that fixed from flaring up with painful phlebitis… I’m basically a mess…. Onwards and upwards, cracking on and pretending that all is okay is allowed until the cracks begin to show again.

Still, I’ve lost MORE weight over the last week or so and have lost a total of 1.5 stones. I’m due to attend the gym on Friday morning for a review where all my measurements will be retaken and we establish what I may or may not have lost, however my scales show a loss of 1.5 stones and my jeans need a belt and I know I need at least one size smaller, dare I venture out and purchase some new ones?? Also, I’ve been told that H&M are now offering more in terms of a plus size range. I’ve not managed to venture into a store to try any of it on but I have looked online and it looks like an alright mixture to me, it’s just a sizing thing. All shops provide different sizes, in one shop I’m a 16 (I LOVE shopping here!) in others I can be the biggest of a 20 but only because the sizes are THAT teeny. I know a friend who is a size 12 and she had to purchase a size 16 the other day, so it’s not always out fault that we are buying these sizes, it’s a simple case of no generic sizing guidelines to follow!

New motto

New motto

Back to spiritual stuff… I had an aura cleansing ritual carried out and it was quite simply one of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever had. The lady did not touch me she simply walked around me and was able to tell me about the pains I was having and about the anxiety I was suffering with, she asked if I would like her to remove that which of course I agreed to. Now, this could be a mind over matter thing, or it genuinely worked, however I’ve not felt so anxious or worked up if anything I’ve felt so much more relaxed and lighter it’s been quite a treat. My right side was about the physical me whereas the the left side was my spiritual, this was partially blocked but it wasn’t clear as to why. Upon clearing it I was able to make a connection to my deceased mother which was nice. Now I know some people are cynical about this kind of thing but I’d like to think this was possible, for example some of the words used were ones I had used EXACTLY to describe somebody, now how would she know that unless a spirit knew that? It’s an odd one, whilst I accept the possibilities of all this being possible I do still feel quite a lot of doubt overwhelming me. There is one young lady that goes to my psychic circle and for some reason wherever she is depending on what side of us is near the other we both get a chill on the same side, we often feel the same kinds of pain together and often feel the same things. I’ve not met this girl before I began attending this development Circle but we get on like a house on fire, it’s brilliant. She is brilliant actually. We have plans to meet up for lunch, she’s an absolute sweetheart, really down to earth and fun. She seems to have had it a bit rough with work and stuff but that’s all fine as she is just brilliant.

I’ve loved being able to meet new people and learn new skills from others, having had such a bad time of it with the people I’m meant to feel the most confident around trust has been a massive issue. But how many times do I have to be told “you’re lovely”, “you’re so friendly”, “you’re so kind” before I actually start to believe it? It’s so much easier to believe all the negative being said that when you hear these nicer things how can you possibly just simply accept them for what they are? I know hearing negative is easier simply because that’s become ‘normal’ for me so perhaps it is time to change my own opinions, start listening to all these nice things and just be myself, size 18 and all that I am. My dress size and my weight are merely numbers that I have in my life like my age, date of birth and door number. I am more than numbers, I am me, I am that size 18 girl that tries to make my hair look perfect, that loves to paint her nails all different colours and try to wear bright pink lipstick! I’m the girl that will do her best to make others smile even when I am having the worst day ever simply because I feel like rubbish and just want to cry because I’m having a ‘fat day’. I’m the girl you can call on whenever you fell down and I will be there to pick you up, I will be there to go out with for lunch or dinner or just for a walk around some stores watching you work your way through the sale rack in Next or Dorothy Perkins without a thought whatsoever. That’s just who I am and I really hope that one day some one other than those closest to me will realise that I am a person and calling me fat will mean I spend the next 7 days feeling awful about myself and wanting nothing more to do with the outside world, words hurt but me smiling at you because you called me fat as you are feeling rubbish about YOU will be my triumph in the end.

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Still, there will always be a mountain to climb and a place to explore and as long as I try to remain focused and thinking that I will be the better person in the end, I might eventually get to the end of my journey after all. Wherever that might be.

In the mean time my lovelies, enjoy. Please keep safe and remember words hurt but your response to those words will show that you are stronger in the end!

Signing off for tonight. CG xxx